Baby Sleeping

We’ve hesitated to write about baby sleeping issues, since we are first time parents and there is a ton of literature about sleeping approaches. Since Lily is about 5 months old, we now feel like we have at least some experience to share about what has worked for us with our first child. We do feel like Lily is by and large a very easy, happy baby, and we never had to deal with colic, so obviously these reflections don’t apply to everyone.

The big thing we tried with Lily that is fairly uncommon among our friends is co-sleeping. Lily has slept in our bed virtually from day one, and it has worked really well for us. The first question that everyone asks when we share that Lily sleeps in our bed is, “Aren’t you afraid you’ll roll over onto her?” Yes, in fact, we were afraid of this when we started, but when you read the literature about co-sleeping, and when you actually try it, you realize that practically speaking this isn’t a risk at all. If the parents are sleeping without the use of sleep medications and without alcohol, the risk of hitting or rolling over onto the baby while sleeping are truly minimal. Please note that we also have a king size bed, so we do have the space for the 3 of us to share the bed relatively comfortably.

Why co-sleep? Apart from the literature, the best things about co-sleeping for us have been:

1) Everyone gets better and more sleep. Lily falls asleep much faster and stays asleep when she is able to nurse in bed and then stay with Mom. Infant sleep patterns change dramatically at 4 months or so – prior to 4 months, infants tend to sleep very lightly for the first 15-20 minutes, where they awaken easily. After 4 months, their sleep patterns are more similar to adult sleep, when they fall into a deeper sleep right from the start. Either way, being able to fall asleep while nursing goes a long way to having Lily fall right asleep and stay asleep.

2) It is really convenient for breast-feeding. Mimi doesn’t have to get out of bed to nurse Lily, and the sleep cycles between waking and feeding can blend together. This means that Tilden doesn’t have to get up as often either – the process of waking up to get the baby from the crib, and put the baby back after nursing, is really disruptive for sleep – we know, because we do this for diaper changes.

3) We think co-sleeping is safer – having the baby not just in the same room, but right next to Mom and Dad, allows for early intervention if the baby is in distress while sleeping.

4) It is really bonding. It is incredible to look forward to time snuggling with our baby every night, and to spend time watching her sleep, and to wake up with her close by. This may sound ridiculously consuming, but especially for Dad, who doesn’t get as much time with Lily during the day, it is really nice.

To be completely honest, the downside of the co-sleeping is missing the exclusive time as a married couple. We used to chat a lot as we fell asleep – that’s a little harder now when we’re trying not to wake the baby. We try to recoup this time in other ways, but we do miss it.

Apart from co-sleeping, here are some reflections about sleeping in general:

1) It gets a bit annoying when everyone asks, “Is your baby sleeping through the night?” Based on what we’ve read, it is pretty typical for babies to have 1-2 night feedings through even 9 or 10 months – this has certainly been our experience. Lily wakes up 4 hours or so into the night, and she is hungry. Usually she feeds for a bit and falls back asleep for another 4 hours or so. Not a major disruption, but it isn’t sleeping through the night either. We’ve heard other stories of babies sleeping 8+ hours at one stretch as early as 6 weeks, so I know people’s experiences differ.

2) It is much easier to schlep the baby around on the parent’s schedule in the first few months. Starting at month 3 and later, the baby starts to fall into a much more regular pattern of naps and night sleeping, and it is more important to provide the baby with regular, quiet, dark environments to sleep, especially at night. The baby is also more responsive and active, so she won’t sleep in a noisy party environment – she wants to play! So, that has been a transition for us – our schedule needs to adjust more to her needs.

3) Partly because of the co-sleeping thing, we’ve been somewhat “behind” about the whole “teach your baby to self-pacify and fall asleep on her own” thing. I think many first parents struggle with this, because part of the “sleep training” around this issue is letting the baby cry, and like many first time parents, we hate letting Lily cry. This issue is a somewhat gray area between attachment parenting and other parenting philosophies, so I don’t think we feel a lot of conviction on this issue right now.

Beyond the general parenting books, the most useful book for us regarding sleep has been “Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child” by Marc Weissbluth. It is heavily informed by research, and we like that.